Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Night from hell

I know I posted once already today, but I need to get this down before I push it to the part of my brain that I save for horrible things I don't want to remember... Which hopefully will be any time now.

I would like to preface this with a reminder that at this point in my life, at approximately 7 pm I "turn into a pumpkin." This is a cute little saying my sister came up with to describe my niece if she's not in bed by a certain time. It's a nice way of say that my niece turns into a screaming banshee if she's passed bedtime.

So remember: 7 pm = Mz.Soup turns into a pumpkin...

Normally, D.Soup and I have a fairly laid back evening once we get home from work. Other than the "crazy time" we usually deal with regularly with the animals, our life is simple.

Not tonight.

Tonight we decided to begin a plan we developed yesterday, we'll call it: Revamp Parts Of Our House That Bother Us So We Don't Hate It Anymore Because We Are Going To Be Here For At Least Another Year. Ugh.

Stage 1 of RPOOHTBUSWDHIABWAGTBHFALAY: We need plywood for attic storage, and for under our bed, and we need to pick out/order a new front door. Easy enough, right?

That's where you are wrong.

We borrow my grandfather's truck and drive, excited and oblivious, to Home Depot.

We walk immediately over to the lumber section to pick out some plywood. This is about how our first conversation went:

Useless Home Depot Employee #1:Hello, do you all need help with anything today?

D.Soup: Yes actually, we need to buy some plywood for under our bed.

#1: Great! It's all right over here...

(As you can see it started well...)

D.S: So we are going to need two pieces, our bed is 61x80.

#1:What? That's not going to work.... *confused stare*

D.S: Yeah, one piece won't be enough....

#1:No, that won't work... You're going to need two pieces

Mz.Soup:*blank stare*

He then proceeds to show us this super thick plywood that, while sturdy, is probably more than we need for the bed. But he insists this will be our best option, and that there's some "damaged pieces" that he could "get us a good deal from his manager".

Looking back now it felt like a drug deal. I couldn't think of something like that during though, my vision was already steadily clouding over in red.

He walks away from us to call his manager, and consequentially begins helping other customers. He helps 2 people while we are standing there. We decide to walk over and look at the lawn mowers because D.Soup is interested in one.

We head back over 10 minutes later to tell him that we aren't worried about the cost and to just cut the plywood for us, only to find him helping not only the same guy he was with when we left, but with 2 other people waiting for him.

Useless Home Depot Employee #2 was standing right next to #1 listening to the conversation, not bothering to help anyone else. Awesome.

So we finally get back to the front of the line. And tell him not to worry about the cost, just cut the plywood.

Uhhh, I can't cut it here, someone broke my saw...

Is that the only saw that can cut plywood?


Again I say, awesome.

We give up on the plywood for the moment, and walk over to the door section. We had a basic idea of what we wanted walking into the store. So of course that means we spent the next HOUR running through the option selection with Less Useless Home Depot Employee #3. He at least knew his stuff, he just worked so slow.

Finally, door ordered, we tiredly head back to the wood section. D.Soup informs me that "If that annoying guy is still over there we aren't getting plywood tonight.". Can't argue with that, I wanted to punch him within 2 minutes off meeting him.

Luckily a non-useless employee (the only one we encountered) confirmed our suspicion that we didn't need the super thick plywood, and that the thinner plywood that is HALF THE PRICE of the other stuff will work just fine for what we need. Thank you, Greg. Where were you earlier?

I made a complete fool out of myself as I 'helped' D.Soup move the plywood to our cart. I might have whined a little. Pouted. But I soldiered through. We needed to get out of this store and I was NOT willing to wait for someone to help.

So, all necessary items in hand (well, cart) we start making our way to the register.

When you see someone rolling a giant cart through a store, without much visibility, do you move to the side and let them through? I do. Apparently not everyone does... Useless Home Depot Customer #1 decided he needed to walk down the wide open aisle towards us, nice and slow, like he didn't see the cart with the 8 foot long pieces of plywood on it come around the corner towards him.


I tried to stare him down. Death stare offended face style. And ran into a sign. So the moment was kind of ruined. But I'm still bitter.

I pay for our stuff as D.Soup runs out to get the car. We are free and clear.

Not quite.

Useless Home Depot Employee #4 comes up to me in the parking lot to ask if we needed help loading our stuff.

"That would be wonderful." I say. It was not wonderful.

He was about 5'4", 130 lbs. Why would they put him in the loading area? Poor planning, Home Depot. How do you look at that guy and say "I know the perfect position for you.". Shame on you.

He tried to pick up 2 pieces of plywood the first round. Struggled, but managed. Until he got to the truck. Then he backed himself up between the truck bed and the plywood. Then he dropped his end in an effort to move out of the way. My attempt to help was foiled by the wind trying to drive the cart into the side of the truck.

Mz.Soup makes a fool out of herself part 2: "Eeeeeeeeeeekkkkk, the cart!" as I'm running to catch it.

Slowly but surely #4 and D.Soup get the other pieces of plywood into the truck. Freedom!

All that terribleness is behind us and we can just go home now and make dinner and watch Caps hockey. Right?


Dinner prep was going well, until I finished grating the zucchini.

I should probably tell you that grating the zucchini was step 1. Sigh.

I took the pieces of the zucchini I had cut off and tossed them down the drain to feed to my garbage disposal. Turned on the hot water. Flip the switch.

GRRRRJVDIWONKDNNVJFrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr click

That's what I heard.

Uhh, I think I broke the garbage disposal...


Come to find out, a rogue measuring spoon that I thought I had successfully looked for remained hidden from me within the disposal. And me flipping the switch caught it. And slammed it into the side of the already old disposal. And busted a giant hole through the wall. And shot water and food particles all over the inside of the cabinet under our sink.

Way to go me.

D.Soup is an angel, he sat down there and cleaned up my mess while I continued on with dinner prep. He even held off the mockery, for the most part.

I asked him in terror if this meant we had to go back to the hardware store tonight.

No,you just cant really use the sink.

I can be okay with that.

Not two minutes later, while he was finishing up his cleanup... While cutting up some onion.... I sliced into my finger.

Really, this day cannot get any better.

Let me help you

NO, I'm going to finish this on a matter of principle...and then I'm going to go somewhere and cry.

...Luckily I completed both at the same time... Cutting up onion has that kind of perk...

And now, finally we are going to bed. The night is looking up, the Caps won and dinner was delicious.

At least everything isn't in a shambles.

Here's to tomorrow.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

1 comment:

  1. That is what happens when you leave the comfort of the couch. Between you and last night and Kris falling down in grocery stores I don't know what I am going to do with the two of you.

    I hope today works out better for you.